Morning Has Broken

I am discovering just how much self-centeredness and immaturity annoy me. I am also discovering how less patient I have become with age. But maybe it’s not about becoming less patient, perhaps I am finally learning to set boundaries with others. There is a limit to how much of a bad thing one can take. You may say and feel all the things you want but if your actions don’t match those feelings and words, then they are all meaningless.

Today I went for a job interview. Once there, I was taken to a room with seven people who made up the panel that would interview me. It felt like my interview was shorter than those of the two candidates who went in before me. Nevertheless, I felt very confident and actually enjoyed the interview. Well, it seems I made a good impression because I have been called back for a second interview next Monday. This one is to be brief, only 15 minutes, but with the organization’s executive director. Oddly enough, I feel more nervous about this second interview.

One Day Goodbye Will Be Farewell
–Morrissey

Always be careful when you abuse the one you love
the hour or the day no one can tell
but one day "goodbye" will be "farewell"
and you will never see the one you love again
I have been thinking
"what with?"
my final brain cell
how time grips you slyly in its spell
and, before you know, goodbye will be farewell
and you will never see the one you love again
and the smiling children tell you that you smell
well, just look at me -a savage beast-
I’ve gotten nothing to sell
and when I die I want to go to hell
and that’s when goodbye should be farewell
one day "goodbye" will be "farewell"
so grab me while we still have the time.

Funny how much words on paper can affect you, whether they be just a couple of them or enough to make up a letter. Today I came across words written by a stranger to me to someone I know, someone who has had a significant role in my life. I’m still a bit shaky from those words I read. The hardest part was sucking it all in and having to come out of that room and keep facing the world, interacting with two people as if nothing had ever happened. Meanwhile, I could feel my heart racing and my lungs short of breath.

So many questions inundated my head and strong emotions slapped my heart. For a moment I almost lost it and started crying, but I was able to hold back the tears and the anger and the confusion and all that other mess that suddenly overcame me.  I simply don’t have time for this, at least not now. Perhaps the day will come when this will be properly addressed and processed. Maybe it’s not even worth it. Whatever may happen I keep telling myself to focus on what I have, on all those people and things in my life for which I am grateful. I choose to not focus on what I don’t have, even if at some point I allowed myself to believe that it would be mine forever. You could say this is my attempt to live in the present, in the here and now. After all, that is all I’ve got.

Soy feliz. El señor que vende los mejores tamales que he probado en la región ha regresado. Hoy pude disfrutar de deliciosos tamales de piña y de queso con rajas. El champurrado de chocolate también estaba muy sabroso.